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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.