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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.