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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.