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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
Mondays are middle finger approved
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.