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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work