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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I`m never free but I`m available.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.