Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.