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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!