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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.