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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one