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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
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I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!