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Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.