Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.