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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.