Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.