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The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin