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Vodka is just amazing water.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.