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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.