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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.