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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?