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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!