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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"