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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, β€œYou’re in charge while I’m gone.”
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan InglΓ©s
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.