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“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!