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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Match dot com, but for socks.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.