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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.