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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.