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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.