Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.