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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
I may be asking too much of this coffee.