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Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?