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I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops