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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
My favorite beer is an open one.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.