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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
How`d this get posted?