Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.