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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.