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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.