Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.