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The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.