Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day