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I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.