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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.