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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
:): The Bipolar smiley face
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.