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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again