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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.