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Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-