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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.