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The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
What number SPF blocks people?
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.