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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Insert coin to view my status message.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.