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If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.