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If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
They say women only use 10% of their anger
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
why we do not have a romance class...............
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.