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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought Iād take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?