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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.