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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.